Psychiatrist to the Rescue

A mother, visiting a department store, took her son to the toy department. Spying a gigantic rocking horse the boy climbed up on it and rocked back and forth for almost an hour.

"Come on, Son," the mother pleaded. "I have to get home to get father's dinner."

The little lad refused to budge, and all her efforts were unavailing. The department manager also tried to coax the little fellow without meeting with any success.

Eventually, in desperation they called the store's psychiatrist. Gently he walked over and whispered a few words in the boy's ear, and immediately the lad jumped off and ran to his mother's side.

"How did you do it?" the mother asked incredibly. "What did you say to him?"

The psychiatrist hesitated for a moment, then said, "All I said was, `If you don't jump off that rocking horse at once, son, I'll knock the stuffing out of you!'"

The $2000 Parrot

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot.

The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, “The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars.”

“Why does that parrot cost so much?” the man wondered.

The owner replied, “Well, it knows how to use a computer.”

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

“That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.”

Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

“That one costs 2,000 dollars.”

“And what does that one do?” the man asked.

The owner replied, “To be honest, I’ve never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!”

Big-Mouthed Jim

The phone rang at the motor pool and an authoritative voice demanded to know how many vehicles were operational.

Jim answered, ''We've got twelve trucks, ten utilities, three staff cars and that Cadillac the fat-assed colonel rides around in.''

There was a stony silence for a second or two.

''Do you know who you are speaking to?''

''No,'' said Jim.

''It is the so-called fat-assed colonel you so insubordinately referred to.''

''Well, do you know who you are talking to?''

''No,'' roared the colonel.

''Well thank goodness for that,'' said Jim as he hung up the phone.