The Old Rancher

The Banker saw his old friend Tom, an eighty year old rancher,in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'Mail Order Bride.' Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom 'How Old' the new bride to be was. Tom proudly said, "She'll be twenty-one in November."

Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an eighty year old man. Wanting his old friends remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take it's course. Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.

About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.  "How's the new wife?" asked the banker.

Tom proudly said, "She's pregnant!"

The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, "And how's the hired hand?"

Without hesitating, Tom said, "She's pregnant, too!"

Natural Heating

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one cold blustery day.The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are freezing cold."

The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.Your body heat will warm them up."

The daughter did and her hands warmed up.

The next day the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said, "My hands are freezing cold".

The girl replied, "Put them between my legs.The warmth of my body will warm them up."He did and warmed his hands.

The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the daughter.He said, "My nose is cold."

The girl replied "Put it between my legs.The warmth of my body will warm it up."He did and warmed his nose.

The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter and he said, "My penis is frozen solid."

The following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her mother, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a penis?"

Slightly concerned the mother said,"Why, yes. Why do you ask?"

The daughter replies, "They make one hell of a mess when they defrost, don't they?"