Friday, July 18, 2014

The Last Rite

The priest was preparing a man for his long day's journey into night. Whispering firmly, the priest said, "Denounce the Devil! Let him know how little you think of his evil!" The dying man said nothing. The priest repeated his order. Still the dying man said nothing. The priest asked, "Why do you refuse to denounce the Devil and his evil?" The dying man said, "Until I know where I'm heading, I don't think I ought to aggravate anybody!"

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Confucius Said

Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone.

Confucius say, panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

Confucius say, it take many nail to build crib, one screw to fill it.

Confucius say, if you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient.

Confucius say, man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day long.

Confucius say, man who run before bus get tired.

Confucius say, man who run behind bus get exhausted.

Confucius say, man with tool in woman's mouth not necessarily dentist.

Confucius say, sex is like the army, the closer you are to discharge, the better you feel.

Confucius say, man who run through airport turnstile backward going to Bangkok.

Confucius say, squirrel lay on rock and crack nuts, man lay on crack and rock nuts.

Confucius say, man who fart in church, sit in own pew.

Confucius say, man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.

Confucius say, man who snort coke, get bubbles up nose.

Confucius say, man who masturbate, only screwing himself.

Confucius say, man piss in wind, wind piss back.

Confucius say, man who eat too many prunes, get good run for money.

Confucius say, man who finger girl having period get caught red handed.

Confucius say, man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly fingers.

Confucius say, woman who go camping must beware of evil intent.

Confucius say, man who have last laugh, not get joke

Friday, July 4, 2014

The Horny Old Woman


A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the front door of a sex shop. Obviously very unstable on her feet, she wobbles the few feet across the store to the counter.

Finally arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, stuttering she asks the sales clerk, “Dddooo youuuu hhhave dddddiilllldosss?”

The clerk, politely trying not to burst out laughing, replies, “Yes we do have dildos. Actually we carry many different models.”

The old woman then asks, “Dddddoooo yyyouuuu ccaarrryy aaa pppinkk onnee, tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd aabboutt ttwoo inchesss ththiickk…aaand rrunns by bbaatteries?”

The clerk responds, “Yes we do.”

She asks, “Ddddooo yyoooouuuu kknnnoooww hhhowww tttooo Ttturrrnnn ttthe ssuma aaffabbiiiitttccchh offffff?”