One fine day at an Oklahoma saloon, a cowboy ties his horse to the hitching rail and goes in to the bar. He orders a whisky and proceeds to drink it. Some time and several more drinks later, the cowboy leaves the saloon to find that his horse has been stolen.
He calmly walks back into the saloon, draws his pistol and holds it pointed at the ceiling, and proclaims in a loud voice "Someone in this godforsaken place has stolen my horse. This happened to me once before, back in Texas." Lowering the pitch of his voice, but not losing any volume, he continued "And I DON'T wanna hafta do what I done back in Texas. I'm gonna have one more drink, and my horse better be back when I'm done."
True to his word, the cowboy holsters his pistol and orders one more drink, and when he finishes it he leaves the saloon to find his horse tied to the rail. He checks his saddle bags and satisfied that nothing is missing, he proceeds to mount up. As he's preparing to ride away, one brave witness from inside the bar steps up and says "I gotta know - what did you do back in Texas when this happened before?"
The cowboy shrugs and says "I hadda walk home."
Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Saturday, July 13, 2013
Oh, My God!
An old man was on the beach and walked up to a beautiful girl in a bikini - "I want to feel your breasts" he exclaimed.
"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.
"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated.
"NO! Get away from me!"
"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, "I said NO!"
"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he exclaimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and $500 IS a lot of money... "Well, OK... but only for a minute."
She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD..." while he was caressing them.
Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my god, oh my god'?"
While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"
"Get away from me, you crazy old man" she replied.
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you twenty dollars," he says.
"Twenty dollars, are you nuts!? Get away from me!"
"I want to feel your breasts, I will give you ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS" he stated.
"NO! Get away from me!"
"TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS" he offered.
She paused to think about it, but then comes to her senses and says, "I said NO!"
"FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS if you let me feel your breasts," he exclaimed.
She thought, well he is old, and he seems harmless enough... and $500 IS a lot of money... "Well, OK... but only for a minute."
She loosened her bikini top and while both are standing there on the beach, he slid his hands underneath and began to feel... then he started saying, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD..." while he was caressing them.
Out of curiosity, she asked him, "Why do you keep saying, 'Oh my god, oh my god'?"
While continuing to feel her breasts he answered, "OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD... OH MY GOD, where am I ever going to get five hundred dollars?"
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