Godot

Horse Jokes

Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.

Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
A: Use the Pony Express.

Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.

Q: How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
A: Start with a large fortune.

Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
A: With Southern Horspitality!

Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
A: Maine.

Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box?
A: Gross!

Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture

Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?
A: Nightmares!

Q: What do you call a noisy horse?
A: A herd animal.

Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Fore!

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." And asks the keeper:
"What's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving school children from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Quickie Blonde Joke

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."

Jewelry

A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”

If (You're a Stripper)

If you can keep your dignity when all about you
Are losing theirs and pretending its not true,
If you can avoid contact when all men want you,
But straight faced act like you want them too,
If you can force a smile and never tire of smiling
Or being fake, never believe the lies
Or being grabbed, never give way to slapping
And yet listening to dicks, just bat your eyes

If you can dance – and use it to men master
If you can flirt – and not fancy, play a game
If you can have nights o’ triumph and disaster
And come back to work just the same 
If you can bear to hear some filth to you spoken
Uttered by fathers to get off on, the fools
Or watch brothers pretend they’ve just woken
And to our sisters, say they play by the rules

If you can make one big heap of cash earnings
And not think you won’t ever make a big loss
And save, and start again as if you’ve no savings
And never boast or act like the boss
If you can force your mind and body and sinew
To serve endless men like they’re the only one
And be a drunkard, when there’s not drop in you
Accept it’s a job and it’s a job to get done

If you can talk with rich men who have no virtue
Or sit with pricks – not attend to their crotch
If neither boss nor floor staff ever alert to you
If all the girls like you, but none too much
If you can stay how you feel this minute
With your innocent heart pure and head clear
Yours is the strip club and the cash that’s in it
And – which is more – you’re a stripper, my dear!

Three Daughters

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could their parents.

So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married."


So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we can't afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they decided they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.


So on their honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she just ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and decided to ignore it.


The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?"


And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me to scream when something hurt."


Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother, you told me to laugh when something tickled."


Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?"
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The daughter replied "Well Mother, you told me never to talk with my mouth full".