The Raven

Stripper Joke

Heard this joke at the local bar last night:

A neurosurgeon consulted with a prospective patient about brain transplant:

Neurosurgeon, "There are three brains available for your transplant surgery. Nuclear physicist - $1000; Philosophy professor - $2000; Blonde stripper - $50,000."

Patient, "Why is the stripper's brain so expensive?"

Neurosurgeon, "Never used."

The Texan, the Californian, and the Nevadan

A Texan, a Californian, and a Nevadan were out riding their horses. The Texan pulled out an expensive bottle of tequila, took a long draught, then another, and then suddenly threw it into the air, pulled out his gun and shot the bottle in midair.

The Californian looked at the Texan and said, "What are you doing? That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!! The Texan replied, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap.

A while later, not wanted to be outdone, the Californian pulled out a bottle of wine, took a few sips, threw the half full wine bottle into the air, pulled out his gun, and shot it in midair.

The Nevadan couldn't believe this and said "What the heck did you that for? That was an expensive bottle of wine!

The Californian replied, "In California there is plenty of wine and bottles are cheap."

A while later, the Nevadan pulled out a bottle of Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. He opened it, took a sip, took another sip, then chugged the rest. He then put the bottle back in his saddlebag, pulled out his gun, turned, and shot the Californian.

The shocked Texan said "Why in the world did you do that?" The Nevadan replied, "Well, in Nevada we have plenty of Californians, and bottles are worth a nickel."

Godot

Horse Jokes

Q: What do race horses eat?
A: Fast Food.

Q: What did the waiter say to the horse?
A: I can't take your order. That's not my stable.

Q: What's the quickest way to mail a little horse?
A: Use the Pony Express.

Q: What did one horse say to the other horse?
A: The pace is familiar but I can't remember the mane.

Q: How do you make a small fortune in the horse industry?
A: Start with a large fortune.

Q: What do you get if you cross a horse with a bee?
A: Neigh buzz

Q: How does a horse from Kentucky greet another horse?
A: With Southern Horspitality!

Q: Where do horses get their hair done?
A: Maine.

Q: What do you call 144 horses in a box?
A: Gross!

Q: Where do you put 2 horses that just broken up?
A: In the pasture

Q: What kind of horses go out after dusk?
A: Nightmares!

Q: What do you call a noisy horse?
A: A herd animal.

Q: How do you get a horse drunk?
A: Drink him under the stable.

Q: What did the horse say when it fell?
A: "I've fallen and I can't giddyup!"

Fore!

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." And asks the keeper:
"What's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving school children from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Quickie Blonde Joke

A science teacher tells his class, "Oxygen is a must for breathing and life. It was discovered in 1773." A blonde student responds, "Thank God I was born after 1773! Otherwise I would have died without it."